Harper Grace

Tuesday, October 25, 2011. I got up at 6:15 as usual to get ready for work and realized my water had broke. I called Eric who has just left for work and told him to turn around. We were finally going to get to meet our precious daughter today! Eric got home and got the kids up. I have never seen my kids dress so quickly. They were so excited and eager. Of course I took forever getting stuff ready and had to pick up the house a bit :) By the time I was ready to go Eric was about to have a fit. I could tell he was getting anxious. For some reason I was surprisingly calm. Once we got to the hospital and got settled in we waited for almost 12 hours and finally got to meet Harper at 6:37 PM that evening.



Our precious Harper Grace born October 25, 2011 at 6:37 P.M.

We had Harper's name picked out almost from the beginning. I had always said if I ever had another child I would name them Harper (never thinking I would have that opportunity). I love the name and since it was my maiden name it just fit. But for some reason, we couldn't agree on a middle name. We had a lot of options but just couldn't narrow it down. We thought of Raye (after Eric's middle name & his papa's name Raymond), Kingslee (after Bunk & Papa's last name & my dad's middle name Lee), Elise, Rose, Beth, and even Elizabeth even though that was Hannah's middle name too. When we headed to the hospital the morning of the 25th, we still had not decided on her middle name.

After Harper was born it seemed like a whirlwind the whole time we were at the hospital. They took her back about 9 PM that night to bathe her and check her out but they ended up keeping her all night in the nursery. It turns out she had swallowed a lot of fluid during delivery and she kept choking and couldn't get it up. So they had to monitor all night and finally suck some of the fluid out of her stomach. We finally got to see her again around 10 the next morning. Needless to say I VERY anxious to get my hands on her. After that, it seemed we had a steady stream of visitors. Wonderful friends & family were always nearby and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was so nice to share our joy & excitement with those we love. Any chance we did have alone, we would try and get a little sleep. Meanwhile we had not had a chance to talk seriously about a middle name. It finally got down to the last day and we knew we had to make a decision so we could sign her birth certificate and head home.

My mom had brought me a copy of one of her devotions that week and it was a touching story about an older woman who had a baby and named her Grace. It told of her journey of her surprise pregnancy and God's grace. That got me to thinking. I started looking up Grace and scriptures of grace. Several things jumped out at me. I found this definition of grace that I just loved. Justice is getting exactly what we deserve. Mercy is not getting the bad that we deserve. Grace is getting the good that we do not deserve. I realized that God's Grace is the power of God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.  Here are some of my favorite scriptures I had found.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12: 9

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

I had found a few more and wished I had written them down but I can't remember them at the moment. Reading more and more about grace I realized this is what I had learned with this unexpected blessing. God provided more than enough when I didn't deserve it. Just like how we are saved because of God's grace and our faith in Christ.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

Grace. What a beautiful word. This word seemed to define all that I had experienced leading up to Harper's birth. This described my own personal growth as a Christian, as a mother, as a woman of God. I couldn't think of a better name to give my daughter. We decided that Grace fit perfectly and giving her that name I prayed it would always remind me of this time in my life. This time of discovery and the feeling of God love through His blessings and grace.

A time for growth

My pregnacy was surreal at times. I never thought I would have the opportunity to have another child. It was also a period of growth for me personally. When I first found out I was pregnant I was panicked. I didn't have much leave at work and our finances were not in the best shape. I had to go back to work after 4 weeks with Andrew since I had a new job and no leave and hated every minute of it. I was an emotional basket case because I just wasn't ready to leave him. I just didn't think I could handle that with this one because I knew how emotional it was for me. When I found out I was pregnant with Harper my feeling were bittersweet. I had always wanted another baby but how were we going to make it? How could I leave my baby? Well I started praying. Constantly, without ceasing. I was stressed but through it all I was so amazed of God's grace at every turn. Blessings just poured in, some not even asked for. It showed me to trust that God knows our needs before we even ask.

 "... For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him." Matthew 6:8

When we first found out, I was unsure what to think and worried what everyone else will think. When we told our parents, I knew we would eventually be okay. Eric's parents were so thrilled and I was glad we could bring them some unexpected but happy news following the passing of Patsy's dad. When we told my parents, without hesitation Mom said that she was turning in her retirement papers and would keep the baby! I knew she had been considering retiring for a couple of years but she had 2 more years to go before she got her 25 years in. I was amazed at how things were working out. Having someone care for my baby while I worked who I knew would love my baby as I do was more than I could have even asked for. Such a blessing!! An answered prayer before I even had time to pray for it.




Cake from our Gender Reveal Party




It's a GIRL!!



Those who thought it was a boy wore blue



The ones who thought it was a girl in their pink

 The next big worry for me was my maternity leave. I knew Harper would be in good hands but I so desperately craved for time with my baby and knew I wouldn't be ready to go back early. I only had enough leave for a couple of weeks and we just couldn't afford for me to take much time without pay. It broke my heart and again I started praying. My aunt & uncle had worked where I work before they retired. My aunt called me one day and said they had a bunch of sick leave that they donated when they retired. She said there may be a possibility that it was still available and to call HR and see. I knew it was a long shot but sent HR an email asking about the leave and didn't think much else about it. Several weeks had gone by and I had totally forgot about the email but I was still constantly stressing about my maternity leave. One day while I was in a training class I just happened to remember that I never heard back from HR so I sent her another email. Within the hour, she had replied saying she was sorry she hadn't gotten back to me sooner. She had checked on my aunt's & uncle's leave and it had been too long since they had left to use their leave but that she had found me 240 hours of leave donated by employees who were retiring!!!! That was 6 weeks worth of leave!!!! I had to leave the room crying in the middle of training. I tried to call Eric as soon as I got outside and could hardly tell him. It worked out so wonderful too. The leave in addition to the wonderful holday schedule we have where I work, I was able to be home with Harper for 10 weeks without missing a single dime. After that moment I found out about the donated leave I knew things were going to be okay. Not necessarily easy, but I learned to trust that God would supply our needs. From that moment on I found a new reliance on God.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,

 but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."  Psalm 34:8-10



I was blessed with several baby showers to help get ready for Harper's arrival



I'm headstrong, stubborn and like to do things my way. I have been a christian since I was 9 years old but have always struggled with leaving everything up to God. I'm the world's worst about trying to do it myself first and then let Him have it when I can't make it work. During this time I learned to give it all to Him. I realized I couldn't make this work, not by myself. This will have to be God's way because it just didn't work my way. After all, I didn't plan this pregnancy and never in a million years would I have thought I would be having another child. Talk about being throw for a loop! How many times do we cause ourselves unnecessary grief by not seeking God's will to begin with? I realize that life isn't perfect but for some reason I act like a spoiled child when it's not. Whining & complaining that things aren't going MY way. It was a wake up call that it's not about MY way but HIS. I am retraining myself to try and seek HIS will before mine. I think sometimes God throws us for a loop to get us out of a rut and to get our focus back on Him. I feel so blessed to have been chosen to be a mother once again and I pray that this experience, no matter how unsure or how hard it is, will allow me to grow closer to God and to become the person he meant for me to be.

"Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face evermore!" 1 Chronicles 16:11

Looking Back on 2011

Wow! What a year 2011 was! We began the year with the blessing of Dad recovering from cancer, the loss of two precious people in our family's life, Eric's grandparents (aka Bunk & Papa) and the most obvious highlight was the new addition to our family with our precious Harper Grace, born October 25th. Our beautiful little girl came into our life and totally blew our normal out of the water but has given us something so much more. But before I talk about her, let's back up to the beginning...

 2011 started out with a feeling of joy, gratitude & hope. My dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer late in 2010 which blew me away. My dad is the backbone of our family. He is always the first one you call when you need help, the first one to give spiritual advice (any advice for that matter LOL), the first to tell you when you're wrong and the first to praise you when he feels you're doing right. We clash on our ideas a lot of times but I think it's because I get my stubborness from him and I'm a lot like him. Anyway, anytime you hear cancer a million thoughts run through your head and the thought of losing my dad just shifted the world out from under me. In my mind, Dad would always be there, never going anywhere, never changing and realizing that wasn't reality took my breath for a moment. So prayerfully and wholeheartedly I started then to learn to not take family for granted and to enjoy every moment we have together. Thankfully and to God be the glory, Dad's treatment went well for the most part and was able to have surgery right before Christmas. Dad made a wonderful recovery and is now going as full speed as before.

Dad on Christmas morning recovering from surgery 12/2010

After Christmas & New Year's, life was busy as usual. Basketball season was going on so a lot of our time was spend going to watch Hannah cheer for the varsity games and watching Andrew play in the youth league on Saturdays. Of course, as always, we jump right into baseball with Andrew and tryouts with Hannah after that. During this time Bunk and Papa's health was on the decline. My mother in law was spending more and more time taking care of them. I have loved those two since Eric & I first started dating. They kept my oldest when she was little and until the end, Bunk would always say that Hannah was hers too because she helped raise her. I could never have repaid them for not only keeping her but for helping her become the person she is today. They had given her so much love and attention and also so many precious memories, I hope she never forgets them. On March 19-24, I was scheduled to go to a conference in New Orleans with my job and we had planned for Eric to go with me. Before we left, Papa was in the nursing home recovering from a fall. When we left for New Orleans he was not doing good and was taken back to the hospital where he was in ICU. He passed away around 3 AM on Thursday morning before we could get home from New Orleans late that afternoon.  Two months after that, Bunk passed away. Although she had health issues too,  I think it was more of a broken heart than anything. They had been together for 60 years. They left behind such a void but also a legacy of a family who will always cherish their memory.

Bunk and Papa always loved time with family & friends.

Never had I thought a trip would change our lives so much but our trip to New Orleans did. This will be a trip I will NEVER forget. As busy as I am, it's hard for me to remember things and keep up with things at times and I am constantly trying to get better organized,  but I'll get to that later... We rode the train to and from NO since we had never done that before. We thought it would be fun. I knew it would be a long 10 hour trip but I was prepared with reading material, snacks & a pillow. Well, I didn't count on the sickness & nausea that came with it. By the time we arrived in New Orleans I just wanted to go to bed thinking it was probably just motion sickness from the ride. Well, I ended up being nauseated the entire trip stocking up on ginger ale & crackers in between sessions. By the time we started home on Thursday the thought finally occured to me, although it still seemed far fetched, that I could be pregnant. So Friday when I spent the day in town getting everyone clothes for Papa's funeral with my sister in law, I picked up a pregnancy test. Let's just say I'm glad my sister in law was with me when I found out because I think I lost it. I had a 15 year old & 12 year old...I'm 36 years old...I can barely keep my nose above water now with our schedules... how could I be pregnant???!!! Come to find out, I was around 8 weeks pregnant at the time! Yep, 8! See where I was going with the "not keeping up with stuff" explanation? Although the news came at such a sad time, I was glad we could share some happy news with our family. Shocking, but happy.  It still took me several months to adjust to the idea of a baby but as time went on I was getting more and more excited. I will do a post on Harper's birth and how her little being started a big change in my life later.



New Orleans March 2011
(Already looking hefty yuck!)


We will not forget 2011 and I feel like we were blessed more than we ever deserved even with the loss of two wonderful people. I am looking forward to 2012 with anticipation and also hesitations as my oldest will be turning 16 in about a month! We already have a lot planned for the beginning of this year but I look forward to cherishing every moment. Things are still hectic & crazy around here, probably even more so now with a baby, that hasn't changed but my attitude has and I am working daily to change it for the better.  My prayer for 2012 is to learn to recognize each blessing we are given, to be filled with gratitude and contentment with trials or blessings, to cherish every moment, to grow closer to God and work on making a better ME. Let's have a Happy New Year!

To blog or not to blog

Okay, so I have been tossing the idea to blog back & forth for months. Who wants to read anything about me and my family? We see our close family all the time so we really don't have anyone that lives far off that would want to keep up with us. I don't have anything really facinating to share with the rest of the world. We're too busy just living our everyday life.  Add to that the fact that I'm a terrible writer, why should I do this? It finally hit me the other day, I want to read about us :) I've always tried to journal to make a record of memories to log that moment in time but I usually end up losing the journal or using it for something else after I haven't used it for a while. I figure I can't misplace my blog and hope to use this as a way to be able to look back down the road and say "Awwww, I remember that!", "I had forgotten about that", or "Wow, I can't believe I did that"! I plan to use this blog to journal special & everyday moments with my family & friends. I also want to use it as a way to grow and create a better me, using this blog as my accountability partner. I don't expect to have list of followers or anyone but me read this but I'm hoping just the fact that having my goal actually published will help me stay on track and keep moving forward.  So...here we go with Life with the Cronan's!